If you haven’t read about my crazy pregnancy/miscarriage/survival story, you can find that here.
This last month has been crazy. Besides the whole Am-I-Pregnant-Or-Not-Thing, I lost Grandma Barbara. We were very close to her. She died on September 16th. My husband was able to come home from Nicaragua early to be with me during the funeral, and I was so grateful. My sweet neighbor, Faye, died on September 28th, the same day we were celebrating my mom’s birthday. Moya started his new job on Monday. I’m just trying to keep my eyes open and get through it all.
I think the hardest day yet was last Sunday. We went to Guthrie to see Darrol, Grandma’s husband. It was our first time going to “Grandma’s House” since she passed away, and the memories came flooding back immediately. My heart broke when Aliana, my two year old daughter, asked, “Where’s Grandma? Grandma sleeping? Where’s Grandma?” We had explained to her that Grandma died and was gone, but she’s two. She doesn’t understand yet. Later she found Grandma’s cane and got it out and asked again, “Where’s Grandma?” Ali has become accustomed to holding on to the cane and “helping” Grandma walk around. It felt like my heart broke into a million different pieces. I’m so blessed that my daughter got to know her great-grandmother and that I got to have those memories of them together and so many stories to tell Aliana later.
Back to my pregnancy story: I had blood tests, urine tests, and various other testing done to find out what was going on with my pregnancy. On September 18th I had an ultrasound in the radiology lab. It went really well. The ultrasound tech was ecstatic that she found the heart beat. She gave the impression that most of the time when she sees pregnant women it’s to confirm that the baby was dead or to see if the baby had been completely expelled from the body. You could see the joy in her eyes when she showed us the baby and the heartbeat. She also checked my ovaries for an ectopic pregnancy. My tubes were not visible, which meant that I didn’t have an ectopic pregnancy in my tubes either. There was only one sac and one baby. Everything looked good. She was thrilled and let my mother take a picture of the screen since she wasn’t allowed to print pictures. I sent the picture to Moya immediately (even though you can’t really see anything) and told him the good news. He was just arriving in Houston and on his way to Oklahoma City. I was so relieved to get good news.
Today I went to the doctor and found out that all my other tests came back good. She said that my due date is now April 27th, 2014 (my husband’s birthday). She found the heartbeat on the doppler rather easily. She said the risks had dropped significantly for first trimester miscarriage, though I still have about two and a half weeks to go. I have another ultrasound scheduled for October 15th. My doctor was very excited because everything is looking up and so drastically different than what we were expecting just one month ago.
As far as what caused all of this, we don’t really know. I probably ovulated late, which causes the dates to be a little off from my last period due date. It doesn’t explain the difference in the first two ultrasounds. It could have been vanishing twin syndrome, but they never saw two babies at once. Just the “dead” one that measured one week. At the ultrasound in radiology there was no evidence that there ever were two babies. The doctor couldn’t explain it. It could have been a mistake, though I did see both ultrasounds and everything looked drastically different. To us, it’s our miracle. Our baby that measured one week and was considered dead, measured 7.5 weeks just one week later. It’s our miracle. Period. I believe in a God that can take someone who has died and bring them back to life. I believe in divine healing. In fact, I’ve witnessed it multiple times in my life. I have faith in my God and I believe in the power of prayer. Even if you don’t believe in miracles and think it must have been a mistake, having a doctor that wanted to look twice and didn’t push a D&C or a pill on me to speed up the miscarriage is also part of our miracle. It would have been very easy to go with it if that’s what the doctor said was best to get over the emotional and physical pain as quickly as possible. Our healthy baby could have easily been gone. Today I am thankful for our God that has been watching over us. I’m thankful for everyone that read this and prayed for us. I’m thankful for my doctor who was wanted to check again. I’m thankful that God has given me the gift of carrying this baby and being a mother, even if this baby dies days, weeks, or months from now, I’m so thankful for the time I have been given. Time that I didn’t originally think that I would get. I’m praying that the baby makes it to term and lives a long and healthy life. I’m hoping for the best. But no matter what happens, I’m grateful and happy that I have gotten to love and carry this baby, my little miracle.
We ask for your continued prayers because this pregnancy is still considered high-risk for other reasons, but we are hopeful that everything will turn out okay. We are trusting in God and His perfect plan for our family. We also ask for your prayers because emotionally this has been really difficult. We had to adjust to the loss of the baby and then back again, which I can’t adequately express how challenging that has been for us. Thanks again for your support and your prayers. We really do appreciate it.